Shaping America's Youth

After years of begging this old sea dog to return to the water, the fine folks over the local yaught club have finally done it, this July I have, and will continue, instructing youngsters on the fine points of sailing on the high seas. But don’t get that warm and fuzzy feeling quite yet...

These little brats are the most untalented, foolish little sons of bitches I have ever met. This week I witnessed one boat of bastards (currently we are using 13 foot sunfish boats with 2 men crews) run directly into a boat that had been anchored in the harbor, how hard is it to avoid a fucking parked boat? Worse yet, these two dynamos of the sea finally get around the anchored boat and somehow turn around and run into the damn thing again, a move which sent one of the two bastards overboard and into the murky waters below.

Maybe I am just not cut out to teach today’s youth, in Ireland I taught many young men how to sail, but back then corporal punishment was still allowed, the little pricks that didn’t follow my commands or refused to put and effort forward would be kicked in the ass until they learned their lesson. I cant even throw things at my current students! All of these kids think they are pirates by the way, floating out on the water screaming AVAST YE MATEY!, and RAMMING SPEED! I just can’t seem to get through to these bastards that sailing isn’t about dressing up and pretending you're that two-faced-communist-pretty-boy Johnny Depp.

If there are any good teachers out there that could give Johnny a couple of pointers as to how to deal with these bastards- I could really use the help.