End America's Pistachio Dependence NOW!

I am sick of everyone complaining about our depenece on foriegn oil, start carpooling or buy a smaller fucking car. People at the pub need to stop telling me that the gas prices are too high as they jump into their fricken Bradley tank and drive away- what the hell were these people expecting- a gas fairy to deliever them gas everynight as they slept?

In anycase, there is a more important issue that we must address... Pistachio dependency. Pistachios are perhaps my favorite of all the nuts, and a great deal of our Pistachio consumption originates in the Middle East. Currently the American consumer is forced to pay about $1.50 for 2.5 ounces of these delicious nuts- that is $9.60 a pound! But where is the outrage for that!? By comparison your precious gasoline at 3 dollars a gallon only costs 35 cents a pound- and you cant even eat that crap (although I do enjoy the smell of it- it reminds me of the days I drove around my old gas leaking Fiat).

Now I am not suggesting that we invade a major Pistachio producer such as Iran to stabilize our countries supply of this delicacy- but I am suggesting we at least boost this country's production capacity in the California region to meet our demand and drive our Pistachio prices down! The American consumer can afford no more increase in the Pistachio price!

I strongly suggest you call your local legislator and urge them to help bring down the price of Pistachios- and the next time some Bradley tank driving son of a bitch tells you that they can't handle the price of gasoline, punch them in the face and alert them to the plight of the Pistachio consumer.