P.P.P.

Good News! I have discovered a new and exciting method of keeping track of you health- Doctors take note. Its called P.P.P. or the Pees Per Poop Ratio. This number is exactly as it sounds, the number of times you take a piss for every time you take a shit. Through some less than scientific study I have determined a person shouldnt have a PPP that is too high or too low, I think a good number is in the 5 to 8 range (the actual number that is right for you depends on many factors ie. age, weight, diet, sex, ass size, etc.).

Right now I am about a 9 (the prostate is starting to go), but my PPP can take a dramatic dive in a day if I were to eat a bran muffin or two, under this senerio I would have a PPP of about a 5 or 6. The trick is to adjust your diet to hit your target ratio (mine is an 8).

Your should not however try to adjust the diets of your newborns based on thier PPP. I have noticed that babies have a very low PPP, as they seem to be shit factories. I was was recently watching my newborn grandson and clocked him at a PPP of 2 (I was changing the little bastard's diaper all day). It is obvious that the target ratio for babies is much lower than the target ratio for adult- so you should consult a doctor before making changes to your baby's diet.

I urge all of you to take a few days and calculate your own PPP, throw a chalk board up next to your crapper, and make talley marks up there every time you do your buisness. Its actually quite fun to do and you learn important information about your digestional system. With the help of the PPP ratio you can become a healthier person today!