Reflections on St. Patrick's Day

Some say everyone is Irish on St. Patrick's day, and I say that the people who declare this are fucking idiots. As a true Irishman I object to the bunch of slobbering fools, who can't hold their booze being included in my proud ancestry; and another thing, who the hell gave these people the authority to make others honorary Irishmen for a day? These are probably the people who honestly believe that the only thing people in Ireland do is sit around and drink green beer. Well let me let you in on a little secret- Irishmen hate green beer, it doesn't taste right and it turns your shit green for days. The reason we drink is to get away from our nagging wives and our tough jobs, something you Americans know nothing about. Picture this, you have to spend 13 hours on the high seas doing repetitive, physical work when you fall overboard and have your leg chopped of by your own boat's propeller, now that's a reason to sit back and drink a few.

I am sick of you American bastards defiling a day that means so much to so many in my homeland. Sure we may not remember who St. Patrick was, or what the hell he did, in fact we may not really give a damn, but we'll all sit back and toast the man.

Here's a little tip for you fuckers that think their Irish on St. Patty's day.... stay away from my bar, or you will find yourself in a world of trouble.