Charmin Ultra and the Fall of Man
The end is near......
For centuries we have been told that when it comes to toilet paper less is indeed not more. But now with a ridiculous jingle, the assholes at Charmin Ultra are telling us to use less toilet paper. This my friends is wrong, we should not in our society, where all can afford or at least obtain toilet paper, be advocating that people use less of it.
There is in fact an epidemic of people that smell like ass in this world (herein after "stinkers"), and a proper wipe could go a long way to solving this problem. Unfortunately for us, those who must tolerate these stinkers, Charmin and their ultra liberal tree hugging point of view is telling these people to wipe their asses less. I am sure you know where I am going at this point, with less wiping, there will be more people who become stinkers, and a greater buildup of shit on asses of these people will occur. Not only must people like us be forced to live with the stench of these stinkers, but we may have to deal with the disease that breads off the fecal matter that stinkers have failed to wipe up.
It is time for some one to stand up and say "USE MORE TOILET PAPER", "LESS IS NOT MORE" and "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CLEAN YOUR STINKY ASS". These courageous statements may be the only thing that saves man kind from destroying itself with a campaign to use less toilet paper.
posted by Johnny McBarney @ 3:36 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Mr. McBarney how do you feel about that new toliet paper- that is like a baby wipe?
Anonymous-
First allow me to express to you the fact that you are a pussy for not signing your name. Let me tell you, your not going to make it in the world if your not going to stand up for yourself, even if you are a fucking idiot (which you seem to be).
My stance on baby wipe toliet paper is simple- ITS TOO DAMN COLD. How can anyone expect to use that shit on a cold winters night?
-Johnny
McBarney, you old dog---Charmin is, in fact, destroying good hygiene! I abhoar those commercials and have started a personal campaign against them. Just wanted you to know you aren't the only one upset over this propaganda that Charmin is pushing.
My Dear Rachelle,
Thank you for hearing my battle cry, and for signing your name. Dont be afraid to yell at people that smell like ass, and continue your boycott of Charmin. Tell them whose boss!
-Johnny
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