My Easter at the County Jail.

My latest adventure started Good Friday at the tavern, I was watching one of my favorite television programs, Wheel of Fortune, with one of my closest friends, ex-ballplayer and announcer Tim McCarver. Tim and I had both had too much to drink when we began bickering about potential solutions to the puzzle that was being played on Wheel. Needless to say that the argument got more and more heated, and Tim and I got more and more drunk. Soon our insults about our vowel choices, turned into personal insults. I reminded Tim of the fact that he was an terrible announcer, and he sucked royally during the ALCS, I taunted him about his claims of a perfect game after the first pitch of the game, and I laid claim to the fact that he had personally caused millions of Americans to turn the sound off during the World Series tele-cast. At this point McCarver was irate, he threw his stool across the bar, breaking it into about a hundred pieces. He then began to list the ways I had annoyed him over the past 15 years, ending his rant by calling me a peg-legged freak. That was the straw the broke the camel's back.

Ever since I opened my tavern I have kept and extra leg behind the bar, not only for protection, but also for unfortunate incidents that can happen with wood legs: chipping, cracks, termites, etc. I grabbed the leg and began beating McCarver down with it, yelling "How's this for peg-legged freak?", a statement which I now admit made no sense whatsoever. In a fit of rage McCarver grabbed a part of his broken stool and fought back. In the melee that ensued the local police were called, McCarver and I were both arrested, and we missed the answer to the much debated puzzle (If anyone was watching the clue was "Thing", and I believe the answer was "Apollo Lunar Module").

Forced to spend the night, and much of the following day, in the County Jail, McCarver and I sobered up, and made up. This process that was accelerated by the our cell-mates, Julio and Sam who claimed to be former employees of Pablo Escobar, and who had been arrested for possession with the intent to distribute (we later found Julio and Sam to be great guys- I wish them the best of luck).

For the record I would like to say I'm sorry to my old friend Tim, and to those we may have disturbed with our brawl. Sometimes even the best of friends fight, but we did learn a valuable lesson from our fight and the punishment that followed: Wheel of Fortune and alcohol is an explosive mix, one to be avoided at all costs.