Dippin' Dots: When will the Future be Now?

When I arrived in the States I was exposed to a new and delicious treat called Dippin' Dots, if you've never had the Dippin' Dots, I can only describe it as a small dish of tiny ice cream balls (by the way if you haven't had them you should get out of your damn house and see the world, stop watching the fucking tube and go on adventure of your own, instead of an imaginary one staring Charlie Bronson).

In anycase for years the bastards over at Dippin' Dots have been calling it "the ice cream of the future". This begs the question: how fucking long is going to take the future to get here? Twenty years ago it was the ice cream of the future, ten years ago it was still the ice cream of the future, and today, you guessed it, Dippin' Dots is still the ice cream of the future. Well I am a cranky 67 year old man, I cant wait forever- I want the future to be NOW! The worst part about waiting is that these assholes who sell it, allows you to have a taste of their treat now and again, and tell you more is on the way, "the future is coming" they say, but it never does come. These guys must have been taught the art of sale by drug traffickers, as they have obviously adapted the "free sample" method of selling crack to pushing their tasty balls. Perhaps the folks over at Dippin' Dots believe that in the future all humans will live in a carnival like setting, because that seems to be the only place they can get their products. What a bleak future faces us if we must deal with dirty and creepy carneys on a daily basis. Quite frankly these guys even freak me out, they remind me of sailors who thought that a heavy rain or big wave counted as a shower.

It is time for the human race to unite together in one voice and declare "The future is now! Give us our Ice Cream Balls!"