Talk like a pirate day, vilifying evil doers.

Tuesday was a quite afternoon at the pub, that is until a band of young men dressed as pirates burst through the door and began inundating the rest of us with what I would describe as pirate jargon... They were celebrating talk like a pirate day.

This display annoyed me immediately. First of all these morons were dressed up like a bunch of pussy bastards. They in no way looked like actual pirates, rather they appeared to look more like a gang of dirty-ripped-jean-wearing bums. Now I don't think these idiots should be dressing like pirates at all (I'll get to that in a minute), but if you have decided to dress like a pirate, don't you think you could take a minute or two and make yourself look even slightly authentic. Newsflash you sons a bitches pirates didn't wear jeans and Nikes.

While some find the occasion to scream YARRR! and MATEY! Amusing, I do not. I have seen the carnage and destruction that pirates can cause. While most believe that pirates only existed in a time long ago and floated around pillaging and chasing booty, this is not the case, pirates still exist today... and they still existed in 1955 when on my sail around the world I was boarded off the horn of Africa. And let me tell you jackasses, they weren't carrying plastic swords either... maybe if they had I would still have left pinky.