Worst Christmas Present of All Time

Today I returned the worst Christmas present I ever received. It was given to me by Finbar, who obviously is not only stupid but also apparently color blind. As you may have guessed by now Finbar gave me what the kids call, "a Cosby sweater". I am not sure why he felt comfortable enough about buying me any clothing in the first place, but this sweater was the most ridiculous gift he could have found. In order to head off future bad gifts for any man I have decided to write a short guide to buying a man (whether he be husband, friend or father) gifts.

Tip 1: Tools are always good.
A man can never get enough tools, and he can never have enough of the same tool. This makes tools the obvious choice for last minute gifts because you truly cant go wrong. It is also important to note that ANY tool is better than almost any article of clothing. I wont delve further into the appeal of power tools, as that should just be intuitive.

Tip 2: Don't try to change our fashions.
Men are very attached to their style. We go through a long process in early adulthood to pin down exactly what we want to wear and what we think we look good in. Once we find that style we hold on to it like life itself. DO NOT try to impose your style on us. While I may wear flannel, there is no way in hell i will ever wear a damn sweater with the entire spectrum of color somehow woven into it. Even if you are repulsed by the style of your friend or husband or father, resist the temptation to try to change them- your throwing your money away.

Tip 3: When in doubt aim for the gut.
Its been said that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I could not agree with this more, and at no time is there a greater array of treats then during the holidays. The selection is endless with things like boxes of candy and buckets of popcorn. But my personal favorite are treats from the store that appears for only a brief time during the holidays and sells baskets of meat and cheese, thats right it's Hickory Farms. This place is a godsend, all men should receive a gift from these people, never before have such delicious combinations of foods been thrust together in affordable gift packages, and never is my smile as great as it is when I open up a package that is bursting with all kinds of meats and cheeses.

I hope that all those who read these tips will take them to heart to avoid the pitfalls of holiday giving which can, in a word, be tragic. Instead of getting a gift that must be returned, exchanged, or burnt for the sake of humanity, get a gifts that men in your life are sure to enjoy!

Hope you had a wonderful holiday.
-Johnny