Emmit, what the hell happened?

Mrs. McBarney is a big fan of the (and I can't believe I am saying this) runaway hit, Dancing with the Stars. Normally I am not home to watch this trash with her, but recently I caught the "stunning conclusion" of this "competition".

Most of the time I would have been unaffected by the asinine nature of this program, however I noticed that the "competition" included one Emmit Smith. Suddenly my world was shattered, I am not a Smith fan but I am a football fan and I had always thought of Smith as a man's man, not some sort of pussy galloping around a stage for attention because he cant run the football anymore.

In the old days when I football player lost his touch he did one of two things, retired only to emerge for the Hall of Fame induction; or become a color commentator. Apparently none of these manly, yet respectful channels enticed twinkle toes. Instead of becoming an elder statesman of football, he became a laughing stock to men all over the country.

As I expressed my anger and dismay to the Mrs. I could tell that she did not understand, she pointed out other "manly men" that had been on the program, which only enraged me more. If these men are so starved for attention couldn't they keep themselves in the spotlight through some semi manly endevour? Survivor perhaps? Celebrity boxing? Maybe they could pitch some sort of Death Match program?

In any case the experience has tainted me on how I feel towards "athletes" like Jerry Rice, Emmit Smith, and Evander Holyfield (although I think in Evander's case it could be a function of taking some shots to the head) it is time for men everywhere to turn their backs on these washed up attention starved bastards, and at the very least deny them entry into their respective halls of fame.