Emmit, what the hell happened?

Mrs. McBarney is a big fan of the (and I can't believe I am saying this) runaway hit, Dancing with the Stars. Normally I am not home to watch this trash with her, but recently I caught the "stunning conclusion" of this "competition".

Most of the time I would have been unaffected by the asinine nature of this program, however I noticed that the "competition" included one Emmit Smith. Suddenly my world was shattered, I am not a Smith fan but I am a football fan and I had always thought of Smith as a man's man, not some sort of pussy galloping around a stage for attention because he cant run the football anymore.

In the old days when I football player lost his touch he did one of two things, retired only to emerge for the Hall of Fame induction; or become a color commentator. Apparently none of these manly, yet respectful channels enticed twinkle toes. Instead of becoming an elder statesman of football, he became a laughing stock to men all over the country.

As I expressed my anger and dismay to the Mrs. I could tell that she did not understand, she pointed out other "manly men" that had been on the program, which only enraged me more. If these men are so starved for attention couldn't they keep themselves in the spotlight through some semi manly endevour? Survivor perhaps? Celebrity boxing? Maybe they could pitch some sort of Death Match program?

In any case the experience has tainted me on how I feel towards "athletes" like Jerry Rice, Emmit Smith, and Evander Holyfield (although I think in Evander's case it could be a function of taking some shots to the head) it is time for men everywhere to turn their backs on these washed up attention starved bastards, and at the very least deny them entry into their respective halls of fame.

I love politics!

For most, election season is a time that brings out disgust at those running for office and the trash they inundate the airwaves with. I on the other hand, love this time of year, especially when things get nasty, it is actually quite funny to see what these idiots will do and say to hold office. Today as I was watching the television I saw an add that essentially said that the incumbent Mayor was a wimp... another ad informed me if I voted for the democrats that my penis would probably shrivel up and fall off... voting republican on the other hand means subjecting myself to 1000 years of slavery at the hands of our corporate masters... and if I wanted to vote for my incumbent house member I might as well kiss my social security good-bye because this guy hates me and doesn't want to see me live because I am old.

Personally I think its time to take these campaigns the next level... No-Holds-Barred Battle Royals. Here's the plan... we will lock up two candidates in some sort of room or sets of rooms with tools to build weapons from. We will then see first hand which politician is the smartest, and most cut-throat, and thus more fit to represent us. As an aside, I was discussing this with Finbar this morning, and he thinks it mirrors an episode of the old Star Trek program, apparently aliens chose to judge cultures on how they fought with each other.... needless to say (according to Finbar) Shatner did us all right and kicked the aliens ass.

In any case, it is time for us to do the same to our scumbag politicians, if they are going to act like brutish kids, that actually have the power to affect lives, I say we treat them that way... it might be a good way to settle political disputes as well- I would love to see Denny Hastert and Nancy Pelosi fight it out for supremacy.... and who knows maybe in the process will will winnow down the ranks of these assholes.

Now for a brief Public Service Announcement:
Take some time tomorrow to vote, if you don't I don't want to hear a damn word about how you don't like how something is going. If you really cared you would take the 15 fucking minutes to let your voice be heard, and then if the bastards don't do what you want, you can bitch all you want.